On... hobbies

I feel like I need to get a hobby. I've have interests, but I seem to always push them aside. What's with that?! Let's delve into my psyche and figure out what's going on:

1) I'm too much of a perfectionist. Whenever I do something, I'm obsessed with being "perfect". I can't just be the girl who likes photography. I insists on being the girl with the best photos. When I realized I can't be perfect or at least better than everyone else, I shy away and refuse to participate at all. Practice makes perfect, but I want to be perfect the first time.

2) I never got into the practice of having a hobby. My parents had an authoritarian parenting style. There was their "right" way to enlightenment and success or the path to delinquency and failure. School and grades came first before anything. When I made As, all was well at home. Anything lower, well... life was a little bit harder. It's ironic because my parents often told me how important it was to be a well-rounded person. They wanted me to have interests outside of school and be social and friendly to people in theory, but when I finally learned to read between the lines, these words were merely a facade to be politically correct.

3) Being in medical school drains the life and energy out of me. When I wake up, I'm thinking about what I need to do at school. When I'm at school, I'm thinking about what I still need to learn. When I'm at home, I'm thinking about what I need to study. When I'm going to sleep, I'm thinking about what I need to do to prepare for school the next day. It's a cycle of worry, school, study, and more worry. It's a vicious cycle of stress and worry. After a year and a half of this, I still haven't found the perfect balance. Maybe there isn't one, and we're all just constantly struggling until it finally ends.

4) I'm cheap as hell.

5) I'm very impatient. When I do something, I expect instant gratification. 10 years of playing the piano didn't help my impatience at all (it might have made it worse). My problem is that I rarely find joy in the journey because I'm focused entirely on the destination. The shorter the route, the closer the prize at the end. I remember when I use to swim "semi"-competitively as a child, I would imagine there was a chocolate cake waiting for me at the end of the pool because swimming in itself was not enough to motivate me to finish my set.

I don't know how to change these things about me. There is no easy button to reverse the years of bad habits I've made. When some deliberate changes and support from the hubby, I hope to change my outlook and my ways. I've got a whole lifetime to live, might as well try different things and learn from mistakes.