On... medicine

Oh blog, how I've neglected you again. I can't promise this won't happen again, nay I can promise it will, but I will continue to write when inspired and, more important, have the time.

A lot has been on my mind lately. As my second year of medical school comes to an end, I've started to challenge my beliefs about career and family. Growing up, I was always at the top of my class academically and extremely involved with extracurricular activities. I was a well-rounded student on the path of a successful career in something important, which I decided early on was going to be medicine. My Barbie dolls didn't go shopping or the beach. They went to the hospital, and I was their doctor. Like any competitive student, I had my eyes set on the goal and did whatever I could to ensure my spot at each tier. Did well in high school to get into college. Get a high GPA and MCAT score to get into medical school. Now that I'm half way up the ladder, I've gone too far to come down but will I ever reach the top? What's am I even reaching for? Am I ready for this new height?
In the last 2 years, I've learned more scientific facts and theories than I had in the first 22 years. More importantly though, I know how what it is like to be a doctor, the uncut version. After medical school begins the long training period comparable to a 3-8 year long fraternity pledging processing more common known as residency. Residents grit their teeth and power through those years believing and hoping that the rainbow is just on the other side. Sacrifices made now will be redeemed in full later, right? What I'm seeing now doesn't resonate with what we typically think of when we think "doctor". Being a doctor means long hours at the clinic way after patients and other staff have long left, attending lectures and classes regularly to keep up with the latest advances, and constantly being "in the weeds" because thanks to the doctor shortage in America, there are always more patients to be seen. Where does this leave for family and fun? As a female physician-to-be, I think the greatest irony is that I will be missing out on caring for my future children because my career demands that I must give 110% to care for someone else's child. Doctors continue to give up significant parts of their lives to do what they do every single day. This job is demanding, intellectually, emotionally, and physically. This begs the question: why?
The answer probably isn't the same for all doctors, but all doctors have a level of passion for medicine that enables them to wake up (early) each day and go to work. Passion comes in different forms though. I'm sure for some, it's the passion for money. My hope is that this is the exception and not the rule. For some, it's the passion for prestige. For the doctors who really inspire, though, it's a passion for people. We, humans, are a frail breed. We get sick if it's too cold or too hot, too dirty or too clean, undernourished or over-nourished. I believe that God made us frail because like a flock of sheep, we need one another. The satisfaction after sending a patient home in good health isn't selfish. It's an acknowledgement that you have a purpose in this world. God gives us traits that we call talents or gifts. I haven't known since a child that I am good at listening and observing. I have a quiet nature that soothes and calms. Many times mistaken for being shy, I know now that this is a strength for a doctor. As I look toward my future, I know I will be making countless sacrifices, namely time away from my family. I am, however, hopeful that these sacrifices will be made in vain but rather become my daily devotions.